feeling it

I'm not feeling that close to God at the moment. As I sit here in the flat He has blessed me with, looking at the view that He wanted me to see every day, watching the birds soar around in the wind while I'm tucked all cosy with my included heating on I cannot help but to feel grateful for the blessings He has given me. The fact that He has given me so much, physically, financially, relationally and yet how can I still feel so far away. I listen to my worship albums (still loving Newday 09) and sing in the band at church and while I'm doing that I mean it. I mean it. It's when I step out of that bubble and into everyday life I seem to lose perspective of my Father.

I have thought about going the other way and leaving it all behind but that would just be silly! I can't imagine my life without God being in control, or when I let Him... Turning my back on Him would be the biggest mistake of my life.

So I'm going to push on. I actually opened my bible this afternoon and read Psalm 40. God must have guided my flicking through as it really spoke to me where I'm at right now. I love it when He does that.

Now I need the motivation to continue... we'll see how this week goes. I hope I can push on.

sticking around

Katie's staying! Woohoo! Big decision to make but I'm very happy she's staying here in Norwich! :-) we can go see Chase & Status in a couple of weeks now. Braap.

Got me thinking though. I'm sticking here. God's put me here on this estate doing this mega challenging course/job and it's so not easy. Sometimes I wanna crawl and hide but I also know that I'm here for a reason. I'm joining one of the small groups that meets on the estate and although it will mean meeting up and building relationships with people who aren't necessarily similar to me or friends (yet) it will be good to be a proper part of this community. Exciting times.

Other things here haven't been easy of late. Issues with a neighbour and not getting on brilliantly with my housemate aren't making living here a piece of cake but God's blessed me with some fantastic friends living round the corner who are supporting me fantastically.

I'm just trusting Him with the direction He wants my life to take, today, tomorrow and in the future...

Currently loving this song, My Soul is Well by Simon Brading and Jordan Dillon from the new Newday album

There’s no lack in all You’ve given
I am richer than a king
In the gift of Christ our portion
My soul is well
There’s no promise I am missing
All I need has been supplied
You’re the strong and firm foundation
My soul is well
My soul is well

Praise the Lord oh my soul cry out
Praise the Lord oh my soul
Praise the Lord oh my soul cry out
For in You my soul is well

Though the struggles have been many
And the flesh inside me weak
Lord, Your grace and truth have taught me
My soul is well
Though I’ve wandered in confusion
I have seen enough to know
Where I tread Your goodness follows
My soul is well
My soul is well


For in You my soul is well. Love you Jesus.

ooops!

I can't multi-task as well as I thought... either that or I still haven't used to my electric cooker - bit of both I think. I usually wash up to clear some side space before preparing dinner but I didn't tonight and put the plates on the cooker...and switched the wrong hob on. Was wondering why my potatoes weren't anywhere near boiling when this huge crash happens and the plate explodes and jumps on the floor. Thinking I'd let it cool a bit before picking it up, I did - it's burnt a hole on the lino! Oh dear, damage deposit is getting smaller...

Still Katie and I had a very nice english dinner of lamb chops, mash, swede and carrots. Yum yum! I'm sad she's moving to Bangor on Monday. I love that girl.

another year older

Today I turn 26. And looking back over the last year I realised that I have mostly grown up. I don't think it's just the way that my course has caused me to look at the world differently I just feel more sensible and not as able to stay up really late all the time without really paying for it a few days later.
24 was the most fun year ever and 25 has been hard, lots of growing and learning but I know it will probably have set me up for the future. We all have to go through some tough growth times in order to become the people that God wants us to be.
26 I hope will be an exciting year, still learning and developing my professional identity (I have a lovely new sensible handbag - thanks Mum and Dad) and by my next birthday I will be a fully qualified professional!!!

In the mean time I will enjoy karaoke and the waterfront tomorrow night :-)

onwards and upwards...

Today is the last proper day of my extra long holiday. 11 weeks of relaxing, Newday, tanning and reading and tomorrow I have my first day of paid work. Ironic really! A little bit nervous about the week ahead... Two new jobs to start and I'm working 5 days in a row - will be a little bit of a shock to the system me thinks.

I have also just started training for a triathlon. 750m swim, 20km cycle and 5km run. Am I mad? It's not till July but I need an excuse to get to the gym and not put on the same weight I did on placement last time! And I need to shave a lot of time off my swim and cycle and actually know I can run that far! So it's going to be a task to complete... But I want to be able to say that I can do it.

Here begins another hard year.

God speaks...

He does! It's real :-)

I asked Him for a husband and He told me that He wants to give me a husband not a boyfriend. Means I need to wait... God knows what He's doing - He's in control! :-)

We were praying for prophetic words last night and I got one - and it was right! God does speak!

Keep on going...

life is full...

...of excitement, adventure, smiles, dancing, prayer, Jesus and work!

I am loving actually showing that i'm full of the joy that I am filled with (from my Lord - and the middle name given to me by my parents)! I am the happiest that I have been for years right now! I'm working (albeit on placement) for an orgnaisation that I wholly believe in, with colleagues on fire for Jesus, with young people whose lives desparately need a touch from God and a helping hand with their current struggles. Having said this it's not easy! As well as being full of joy and brimming with happiness, I'm also rather stressed... Deadlines are still a-looming, I'm occasionally struggling with sleep, anxiety, family illness and adjustment to being on placement. I need to book a massage which I've failed to do so far - doh.

It's been 24-7 prayer week at church this week which has been amazing to be involved in yet again. I think it would be fabulous if we could do it all year round! It's such a priveledge to have a wonderful dance on a Saturday night, roll into the prayer room and talk to God! Braaaaap!!! I've done this with different friends for the past few years and it hasn't failed to be a blessing. In Ibiza it's one of the most powerful things I think we do swapping over the prayer and practical aspects of the street work - gives so much more power to what God's doing when we bring it before him regularly. My prayer is that I can continue this here in Norwich - my prayer is to pray more, to speak to my Dad more, to develop my relationship with Him. Wow - without him I can do nothing - I know this! He's brought me to the exact place I am right now and wants me to go on walking in His purposes for my life... How exciting that the creator of the universe created me and wants to guide the way I live my life to follow His purposes for me! I just want more of this understanding for others and how this works for them. I guess that means my prayer is for more of God's wisdom and heart, His vision for the people I come into contact with as friends and people I work with...



I can't close this post without mentioning how much I am loving my new stereo and it's bass - Annie Mac is currently blasting out some quality tunage for my aural pleasure :-D